Are “Microaggressions” a Thing?   For those of you who practice relationship therapy, you are well aware of the indignities partners can foist on one another, even in the context of a session. All of us have been around couples in social situations where the animosity is palpable. On such occasions we feel like we are in a “tension convention.” It seems that the committed relationship is fertile ground for bringing out both the best
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It’s hard to go a few days without reading something about the power of forgiveness. Indeed, it has become a spiritual axiom that forgiveness is the key to inner peace. This strikes me as odd, because I see forgiveness as the understudy to remorse. Unless we are open to the examination of our own transgressions first, we are asking the cart to draw the horse. To put it more bluntly, unless we are willing to
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We humans put a lot of energy into making it seem that we have our act together a lot more than we actually do. We hide what we believe is unacceptable. We believe we are alone in our particular problem. Nowhere is this more evident than what goes on between two people in a relationship. Brian and I  tell couples that we work with that our struggles are often similar to theirs.  We remind them
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Day to day life as a married couple brings with it the perennial challenge of figuring out how to show up. For Marcia and I, not showing up eventually results in a show-down. I’m pretty adept at not showing up emotionally or energetically. If I don’t pay attention I can become ghostlike. What I mean is that showing up requires bringing a little vibrancy to the relationship, engaging our partners in our interior world, and
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In the geometry of the committed relationship, the shortest distance between two points is empathy. Yes, empathy – the dawning realization that somebody’s perspective or emotional experience is different from my own. Between my wife Marcia and I, our most convoluted and irreconcilable discussions all have one thing in common, we don’t get each other. Nor do we seem to want to get each other. I want Marcia to get me, to relent and say, “Oh, yes you
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